Before any of you decide to jump down my throat about being a bad person and dissing people that do have kids, you can stop that now. If you have kids, good for you. I'm talking to those of you out there that are on the fence. Don't do it.
Part 1: Let me give you a little background on me so you see where this is coming from. I am 41 years old, married, and I have 2 cats and 2 dogs. I work full time and so does my husband. In my younger years, I swore that I would never have kids. I didn't get married until my early 30's and my husband and I did try for a while to get me knocked up. Turns out that it's just not a thing for him and I and we are fine with it.... for those of you that are wondering what the deal is with out inability to procreate, I'll write about that at a later date. So don't worry all your Nosy Nancy's will get your fill.
Part 2: I have a 10 year old nephew that I absolutely adore and he stays with me the 1st, 3rd and 5th weekend of every month. He's sweet, smart, loving, kind, gentle, handsome, and all of the other descriptive words in the English language for 'amazing' that I wouldn't use on half of the little shits I encounter out there in the world. I know that you are thinking that I'm exaggerating, but I honestly and truly am NOT. He does tell little white lies now and again, spends too much time on his phone, and has stinky feet, but I have never come across a better kid in my life. So, please keep in mind that my feelings of not having kids is based off of how good my nephew is. Think about that. I have one of the most well behaved kids in the world in my life and am suggesting to all of you AWOK's (Adults With Out Kids) not to have kids. My nephew runs me ragged. We go to the park, we go to play laser tag, we go to water parks, we color, read, watch silly movies together... How does it get any better than this?! He rarely has a melt down and when he does it's just a bunch of pouting. He's never screamed or flopped around like I see these other little shits do, like they're on fire in the middle of a grocery store!
Part 3: With this being said, what are the chances of any of you AWOK's out there having a kid as well behaved as my nephew? Like 2%.... and that's being generous. He's a fluke, he's an anomaly, he's a glitch in the matrix. Every time we go somewhere with other kids and we see some poor schmuck with kids, screaming, crying, and acting and looking like they just walked out of the forest from being returned from a spaceship because not even the aliens that abducted them wanted to keep them; he looks at me like, "whoa... what's their problem?" He's 10 and he knows this! Even if I ever decided to have kids, my chances of them being high functioning members of society is slim. So, it's just better to play it safe, on my end.
With all of this being said... have kids, don't have kids, it's up to you. I just want you to know what you're walking into before you make that decision. Kids suck your essence straight from your soul. The chances of any of us have a good kid are off the charts. I wouldn't go to Vegas and place bets on any of us. And yes, they do eventually grow up and some turn out just fine, but if you are one of those people that winds up with a Jeffery Dahmer on your hands, don't say I didn't warn you. Get a puppy or volunteer at Big Brothers/Big Sisters...trust me.
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